||[Dec. 10th, 2007|09:01 am]
question: are you looking for a relationship?
answer: i'm not sure.
roem asked me that last night.. i know he's looking to be in one. but i'm not totally sure how i feel about that.. i mean, i kind of just barely escaped one.. is a month too short of time to move on? i don't know if i'm prepared. john found out about roem, and i felt bad because i had moved on, and he still hadn't... i'm starting to realize john did have genuine feelings for me, which is super frustrating.. i mean, i will always care for john.. but i'm stuck because i don't know where to draw that line. why couldn't he have expressed anything like that before? i said i loved him before he left for vietnam, and all he said was he'd be calling me.. he's home for not even a week, i break up with him, and all of a sudden these feelings come pouring out of nowhere? what the fuck?
roem asked me if i still talked to john, and at the time i wasn't. but john's been calling me recently.. just to "talk".. and i don't want to cut him off.. but i feel like i should. because i almost KNOW i'm going to be hurt..
i like roem a lot.. and i think what's holding me back is that i'm mostly afraid of being hurt... i feel like i am totally in a vulnerable situation here... because while i really do want to be in a relationship.. i think it might be too soon..
any second opinions? should i jump for it? or should i hold back?